Yesterday I was at my most down. I woke up feeling rather attached to someone and I feared for a lot of things. Would you leave me, would everything be different once summer ends? I’ve never felt so responsible over someone and we barely knew one another. Everything happened so quickly, and drastically, and it all started when he came up to me outside the cafe. I was alone (feeling rather ditched by someone because he was in his deep slumber in the sofa). We tried to wake a friend up but to no avail. So he spent the time talking and catching up with me. We’ve met before but we weren’t close. That was the day he was moving out from our dormitory to live outside with his brothers. While he was trying to engage me in conversation, I felt something was amiss. There was a longing in his eyes and in the way he spoke. I should’ve picked it up.

Fast forward a week he started meeting me and that’s when he started pouring out the problems he was facing. His heart and mind were everywhere and I felt that he needed  a friend. Someone to give advices to and lend a shoulder. I wanted to keep his mind off of things because he admitted ever since the problem started, he left his favourite past-times. He no longer does the routine he usually does. He’s not about change but instead of brooding over the same boring routine he was getting on, I kicked it up by occupying him and teaching him a subject he was taking. After his exams we started hanging out and I introduced him to all my friends. The times I spent with him are more than your usual friends or couples. Early in the day I teach him, till the end of the day of hanging out. He needed to be away from the house, he always said. To stop him from overthinking.

All this happened in a span of a week and I didn’t even go back to my hometown because I needed to occupy him. We spent so much time together even I shared some things about myself that I wouldn’t share it to anyone. For a person who is not adventurous and spontaneous, I let him try things he’d never expect. I wanted him to have fun and see life a new refreshing way. Everything doesn’t revolve around that problem and there is so much to look for in life. But these hours spent, I felt I was getting more closer and closer. I started to look at him as someone who would be the friend that I need and the friend I will have by my side. I see the qualities of a man indifferent from the ones I usually meet. He was charming and sweet, a little rough but comforting. All that hidden in a blanket of pain and sorrow. I wish I could lift it off of him but I need his help. He needs to try. Maybe I was sent his way for a reason. Maybe it was for me?

Ironies of life

Why does she pick a flower from its place of thriving because she wants to appreciate its beauty?

Why does she experience sadness so that she may find happiness? Why does she grieve to value presence and feel pain to find strength?

How often does she remember the things she does not want to instead of the things she has to?

Does she realise that the best choice for her is to be silent when someone expects her to be enraged?

Can it be that the very person who brings out the best in her is also her weakness?

Nobody seemed to remember whatever good things she did but how is it that they remember once she’s done one mistake?

Does she know that when she takes care of other people, she too needs care and love?

He said that he’s going to be there for her always, yet he was the first to walk out. And she hated what comes after, because that’s when she realised that she loves him.

P.s this is general and it does not coincide with anyone whatsoever. Anything else is purely coincidental. I felt that I have to say it. When it didn’t actually matter. Oh the irony.