Hello, stranger.

It was barely 11pm and I made my way through campus. I just left from an event held at the Economics & Management Department, they were introducing the new batch of students. I walked on the ghostly streets, in campus after-hours and night owls. We passed along the entrance of the library hallway, by the glass doors which revealed the darkness of the library.

Right on the bench facing the entrance, there I saw the most beautiful thing, subhaanallah, my eyes was not taking a second off from the sight. I couldn’t tell if it was moonlight caressing his face, or was it the corridor lights. There he sat, alone, with his computer resting on his thighs. Typing away, unaware of our presence. He looked to be way older than I am – could be he had one of those faces where it ages a little faster. He was wearing a light blue, long-sleeved shirt (and it was not rolled-up). He had those spectacles that the frames were fully metal. He had the look of wisdom written on his face and posture.

I believe, he looked too mature to be unmarried, if I can say that. If I had the chance to meet him again, I would. Maybe you could find me hanging around the area at the same time, some other night. All I had was a memory of him and nothing else, not even a name. If I ever see him again, I hope I could recognize him but I don’t think anyone could forget a face like that. I hope to see you again, stranger.

p.s is this what love at first sight feels like?
p.p.s I think I have to cleanse my eyes with
zamzam.

Dear ___,

It weighs on me that I never told you..

I never told you how you once made me happy.

I never told you how much I appreciated you.

I never told you I’m sorry.

I never meant to leave it as I did.

But what I want to tell you is that,

thank you for everything.

Thank you for your support and love.

Thank your for the memories,

but it’s time.

There comes a time when it’s enough.

When everything we had was no longer real.

I’m sorry because the magic has dissipated.

Consumed with my own pride,

I watch myself crumble.

And with that, I brought you down with me.

 

I unbind us from this web

of destruction.

“Ït’s not you, it’s me.”

It’s all true. It was me.

 

Forget me not

The same things which used to keep me up all night, didn’t anymore. None of your words – or even your absence – struck me. It didn’t bother me because I’ve learned to let go. The days or conversations we once had were long gone. I’m starting to believe that my mind left way before I actually did.

But all I ask is for you to forget the mistakes I made and the pain I caused. Remember me as a friend who you once knew. We were foolish to swim among unchartered waters – sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. We were uncertain, and we will always be.

Keep the memories which makes you happy, but do not stay for you will never find reality. 

“And it wasn’t my choice to love you but it was mine to leave. I don’t think the moon ever meant to be the satellite, kept in loving orbit, locked in hopeless inertia, destined to repeat the same pattern over and over – to meet in eclipse with the sun – only when the numbers allowed.”
– Lang Leav

Attached

I’ve reached the 11th day – counting down days till I officially start my class. Met some people on the way, from Singapore, and from among the locals.

My journey has only just begun, but to my surprise, I had to associate myself with a very complicated person. Funny thing, that person is from my homeland. And I thought affiliations with international people were already a challenge.

Four times I had to deal with said person and all I received was multiple positive and negative gestures – all of which were prominent as characteristics, which I think is highly unavoidable, and I have to accept them as they are.

When I thought I had enough, I realised the one I always go back to, or in times of desperation, or of last resorts, guess who saved the day?

So it’s probably safe to say I need you. In the best way and the worst. And I’m ready to take on whatever you throw at me!

Yours truly,

The pleased client.

La dernière lettre 

A blank paper, waiting to be inked. How can one translate these feelings I have for you, these memories I do not wish to forget. How do I catch everything, to tell you how I really feel? 

Do I begin with sentiments or my sorrows? Could you see between the lines how this heart beats with you? How can I summarize our memories and say one last final farewell? 

With a broken heart, this pen sighed across the paper – the last favor, the last words, the last tear. In my hand I hold, the final memorandum, with only two words, “good bye“. 

It won’t be the same after this, with your absence. And this will be a beginning, after the ending. This will be la dernière lettre (the last letter).

Two dear friends of mine will be leaving for college. To start a new chapter of their lives. There they will find new challenges, tread new roads and experience a new kind of aspiration. 

I hope they will never find grief, I hope they will never find heartache,  I hope they will never feel lost and insecure. 

I hope they find blissful happiness, I hope they find new opportunities, I hope they feel home wherever they are. May God protect them and guide them. 

Prayers and love to you two. I am more than proud and blessed to have known you too. I know you’ll do amazing. 

Authors

I have recently came home from a holiday in Johor, Malaysia – a 3D2N trip with my family and a couple from my maternal extension. 

It was a temporary escape from my unprogressive life. I got to try something new and visted places I’ve never been to. It was both thrilling and relaxing. A bit of adventure and poolside chill. 

For a moment I forgot my dued checklist, my love life and petty problems. My future was on hold, and I get to experience the present. As cliche as it sounds, it is truly a gift. 

I need to remember to take a breather, and to not be driven by other people’s expectations and not to worry of what others think of me. I’m tired of figuring out if everything is perfect when my knowledge of what’s going to happen next is limited. 

There’s no right or wrong in life. We all learn one way or another. Life is about making new mistakes and improving ourselves. If we keep avoiding mistakes like a plague, we learn by what’s on the surface, never connected to the soul. Experience is the best teacher (there I go again).

Take a moment to take the longer route. Steer out of your intended journey and broaden the horizons. You may not experience everything, such is life. We will always miss something, and that makes each individual different. We are our own story, we are our own authors. 

A Black Cat

A little about myself, nothing out of the ordinary except what stands me out from the rest, is my mind. Never constant, never stationary, never invited.

I will have a thousand things to say, a thousand nones. Only I can deem what is fit for my sentences. I’m not much of a talker but if I do, definitely irrelevant to my life. I don’t confess nor dwell in the past. I move like the night over day, leaving what I wouldn’t carry, wouldn’t stop for anybody.

I never liked people clinging onto me, but I would expect them to care. I would become a listening ear, if they are the things I like to hear. I’m a procrastinator of all sorts, but I won’t delay another’s work. I work best under limited time. The pressure drives me and I am sharpest at the oddest of times – sometimes after the risen sun, sometimes after 1 (am or pm).

I enjoy doing things other people love, but with lesser commitment. I do a bit of everything and I would never pass up an opportunity to try something new. Don’t expect anything from me, I have no superiority over anything. So love me as I am, my own person. Love me because I will keep you insane, and I will share the wonders of the road less traveled, the words never said, the thoughts never encountered.

I’m a black cat they told you to stay away.
I am your temporary escape.