The lost puzzle piece

I’ve never felt intoxicated. A different kind of attraction to both the brain and soul. It makes me accomplish things I’d never expect. The kind where you start to do the things you’ve left a long time ago. It sparked a familiar flame that was once burning passionately inside of you. You were given the key to reopen the drawer of forgotten dreams and wishes that were once put down by the false idea of reality you once forbear.

This was the sign you’ve been looking for all along. The trigger was it all along.

If you ever find this feeling, hold onto it and never let it go. It is the missing puzzle piece in your life and it fits perfectly, in your hands.

A new day

“But I like the morning, the promise, and I feel the newness of the day. I expect a good day. I like the dark felt curtains. I like the view when they are open—sky and only the tops of the highest buildings.”

– Anaïs Nin, from a diary entry featured in Trapeze: The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1947–1955

Deep fear

I’m walking into uncharted waters, taking a plunge into what seemed shallow, I shake the thoughts of uncertainty and the bitter cold. In the depths I am neither falling nor rising – swaying indefinitely to no certain direction. Am I rising above or sinking down deeper? I felt as if I was in a vacuum with no way of knowing which is up or down. Wherever I moved it was making me tired as if something was holding me back.

I had to do something. Anything. I cracked my limbs. Pulling and pushing in every direction. As much as I wanted to breathe, I had to know what was pulling me down.

As I descended, my perspective changed, even the darkness which was engulfing me. It was becoming clearer to what was encaging me. It was my own fear. My own fear that was holding me back and blurring my vision of the future.

Until I know how to recover from it, I will remain sinking. That is something I must face, alone.

Race against time

How can it be for a heart to be in two conditions at one. That very moment you sense the whole world slowing down and you feel your heart decelerating in pace. Everything goes silent and the seconds feel like minutes. Yet at the same time your heart is racing and pumping, till you feel short of breath. As if you are chasing the lost time which was taken from you.

That's how I feel when you walk past me.

Unreciprocated

I know how it feels like to be in love with someone and not get anything in return. It’s funny though that I expect the feelings to return one way or the other when he in fact had no clue about it.

I prefer to love in secrecy and to avoid rejection. I like to be on the safe side and to avoid humiliation altogether. That’s me. I don’t take chances nor am I bold. If he didn’t know that I love him, he has no chance to reject me so I won’t feel hurt, right? Wrong.

It hurts to know that you will never fight for the thing that you really want and you will be miserable knowing that you will never be his and still have this longing hope. It crushes you on the inside having to make excuses for yourself for his cluelessness. And the feeling of waiting for something that will or will not happen just because you couldn’t say anything.

You will feel horrible if he rejected you and you fear you might lose your friendship, but in fact, he was never yours to begin with. Why spend your time moping about the guy who was never interested in you when you could have met someone new who (will) has your best interests.

Be bold and daring. There is nothing to lose. There is more to gain.

Compatible

“I love when you become so close with someone that you can see parts of each other in one another and you begin to say the same things and steal lines from one another and have a similar sense of humor and can exchange an inside joke with just a glance you don’t even have to talk because you have such a strong connection with them and you can sit in comfortable silence but also talk for hours it’s really hard to find that kind of compatibility.” – adorability

Butterfly

If you only you knew how well I'd take care of you,

how much I'd love you,

how I'd never let you down,

maybe you'd consider.

 

I will be there for you, I will not hold you down, I will support you.

 

If only you knew how I would never let your smile turn upside down.

That I will be with you every step of the way.

I will push you where it needs be and I will hold your hand if you need me.

 

But for now, how could you know. I laugh and smile around you just as anyone else.

I tease about the girl you went out with,

I talk about your dreams as a companion.

I share your sentiments as a sister,

I wonder if that is all it'll ever be.

 

Just like a butterfly you come and go as you please.

And I have no ties to hold down your fragile wings.

You are not meant to be caged or held down.

 

So I hold out my hand to you,

for you to take, for you to hold.

It will be there for you even when you leave, and for when you are near.

I will wait,

I will wait until the day you decided to stay.