Chant

I am a strong, beautiful, independent, young woman.

And that is what I have to remind myself everyday. 

I’v been growing up lesser on beauty, and I thought I could never be a lady of worth. I’ve been self-loathing and depriving myself of self-love. I’ve been taking care of other people’s needs instead of my own because I thought my feelings didn’t matter. 
I am not limited, I am free to choose who I want to be or what I want to do. I don’t need anyone’s consent (except my parents’). I am just as capable as the next person. I don’t need a man to boost my pride, I don’t need to compare to live a happy life. All I need to do, is to know myself. I need to focus on me, and love myself.

If I learn to love myself, I’ll know that there’s no boundary, there’s no ugly, and there’s no perfection. Everyone is born beautiful and unique, raised with flaws of their own. We are significant, each and everyone. Everyone plays a part in the community, and I intend to find mine. 

I am a strong, beautiful, independent, young woman“, and I know that

The Illusion of life

All my life, I’ve been told what’s wrong or right for me. I’ve been fed with opinions, ideas, choices – none of which I came up with. I’ve been told how to dress up, how to sit, how to talk and how to be silent. Society is doing everything it can to mould my mind, my character and my life. It teaches me how to follow and not to stand out. 

What has society ever done for me? 

The moment I do something different, it reprimands me without knowing why. It calls me weird, wrong and ignorant. Why can’t I cover when it’s alright to show skin. Why can’t I share my opinions when I am free to say. Why am I wronged for something that I do not do, that the small number of people do? 

What has society given me?

They tell you to dream big and reach for the stars, but they set the bar for you. They tell you to save the earth, but they wage political wars. They put you in categorization of statures when all men were born equal. They vouch for human rights but only if you are rich. 

The real question is, what changes have you made? 

Past midnight

There are some things I’m afraid to feel. When doubt starts to grow on me. When everything that was right now seems wrong. 

I thought I’ve had it all figured out. Like whatever that is happening was meant to be. But deep down all I’m feeling is this ache – what is my gut really saying? Have I made the right promises. Have I said the right things.

I’m scared to feel out of love, or to fall in love. I’m afraid of running out of words to say, or to say the wrong things. I don’t want it to be this way. 

Do I deny it or do I face it. Do I treat it like a passing thought. Do I need more time. I wouldn’t know. I really wouldn’t know. 

La dernière lettre 

A blank paper, waiting to be inked. How can one translate these feelings I have for you, these memories I do not wish to forget. How do I catch everything, to tell you how I really feel? 

Do I begin with sentiments or my sorrows? Could you see between the lines how this heart beats with you? How can I summarize our memories and say one last final farewell? 

With a broken heart, this pen sighed across the paper – the last favor, the last words, the last tear. In my hand I hold, the final memorandum, with only two words, “good bye“. 

It won’t be the same after this, with your absence. And this will be a beginning, after the ending. This will be la dernière lettre (the last letter).

Two dear friends of mine will be leaving for college. To start a new chapter of their lives. There they will find new challenges, tread new roads and experience a new kind of aspiration. 

I hope they will never find grief, I hope they will never find heartache,  I hope they will never feel lost and insecure. 

I hope they find blissful happiness, I hope they find new opportunities, I hope they feel home wherever they are. May God protect them and guide them. 

Prayers and love to you two. I am more than proud and blessed to have known you too. I know you’ll do amazing. 

Authors

I have recently came home from a holiday in Johor, Malaysia – a 3D2N trip with my family and a couple from my maternal extension. 

It was a temporary escape from my unprogressive life. I got to try something new and visted places I’ve never been to. It was both thrilling and relaxing. A bit of adventure and poolside chill. 

For a moment I forgot my dued checklist, my love life and petty problems. My future was on hold, and I get to experience the present. As cliche as it sounds, it is truly a gift. 

I need to remember to take a breather, and to not be driven by other people’s expectations and not to worry of what others think of me. I’m tired of figuring out if everything is perfect when my knowledge of what’s going to happen next is limited. 

There’s no right or wrong in life. We all learn one way or another. Life is about making new mistakes and improving ourselves. If we keep avoiding mistakes like a plague, we learn by what’s on the surface, never connected to the soul. Experience is the best teacher (there I go again).

Take a moment to take the longer route. Steer out of your intended journey and broaden the horizons. You may not experience everything, such is life. We will always miss something, and that makes each individual different. We are our own story, we are our own authors.